top of page
  • Writer's pictureAuntie Mel

Human pamper vs Dog pamper

This is a light hearted, tongue in cheek comparison the human vs dog "full groom" using Auntie Mel at the hairdressers and beauty parlour and Sam the Cockerpoo at Canny Cuts Dog Grooming.

Mel at the hairdressers - I greet the hair dresser politely, sit at the designated chair as requested and sit nicely. Charlotte then proceeds to brush my hair, which I have just washed and dried ready to have her do it again as I don't want to turn up all smelly, before going to mix my colour. I remain in my seat quietly and await her return. She begins to apply the colour to my hair and we chat about life and funny stories. Once the colour is on my head, I am offered a hot drink which I accept (I never say no to a cup of tea!) and I am left for about 30 minutes or so with the scary vision of my several chins (I swear hairdressers have mirrors to make you look your worst during the process and fabulous afterwards!) and hair slapped to my head whilst drinking my tea and I will pull out a magazine or book to read whilst occasionally chatting to other ladies. Once my colour is set, I am taken over to the sink to be shampooed and rinsed off before returning to my seat, having my hair cut and blow dried. The magic mirror is activated and I can no longer see masses of chins or bags under my eyes. Quick check of the back of my hair and I am done, pay my £60, re-book for 6 weeks and off I go. The whole process takes about 90 minutes to 2 hours.

Mel at the beauty parlour - Greet the ladies politely and go to the directed area to begin. I am going to have a manicure, pedicure, waxing. Again, I have washed, scrubbed and buffed all the areas that they will be seeing and touching. Despite the agony of having my hair ripped off with sticky strips of hot wax, I lie there as still as possible and suppress the urge to scream and/or kick the sadistic woman wielding said strips of wax now containing my hair, and instead try to respond to the small talk she is making. I get myself dressed, and the manicure/pedicure begins. I remain seated like a statue and we continue to chat about the upcoming holidays and weather. The whole process takes about 2 hours.

Once I'm suitably preened, I pay my £110, re-book for 4 weeks and thank them for making me look human again.

Sam at Canny Cuts Dog Grooming - If my mummy brings me, I cling to her legs and give her the look that makes her feel bad for leaving me in such a place. If my dad brings me, I can't wait to get in there. I rush to my Auntie Mel jumping up at her for my kiss and cuddle, then sit there staring at her adoringly as I know she will give me some treats. Then I run around sniffing everything, saying hi to Wilfred and any other dogs and groomers that might be about and head back to Auntie Mel for a fuss. Auntie Paige comes and gets me for my bath. I go with her and deploy the sad eyes. She picks me up, pops me in the bath and takes off my collar and lead. She starts checking me all over my body to see if I have any owies and then starts bathing me. This is fun. I like to shake the water off all over, soaking Auntie Paige in the process. I stand nicely until she wants to clean my bum and tummy, then I like to sit down so she has to keep getting me to stand up so she can reach it. When it's time to be dried, I like to see what everyone else is up to so I move around on the table to get a good look. Once I'm dried, Auntie Paige takes me back to see my Auntie Mel. I haven't seen her for an hour, so I absolutely must kiss her again. I sit down on her table so she can cut my nails and remove the hair from under my paws. I like this as it means I can hold hands with her, but it is difficult holding hands when she has my back paws in her hands, so I squirm about for it. Once I give in and my paws are done, she tells me I am a good boy so i give her another kiss to tell her she is a good girl and that I like how my paws feel now. When she cuts my hair, I sit down like a good boy, but then I need to stand up and I don't really like that, so Auntie Mel holds me up with her spare (!) arm until I decide that I will stay standing up. When she has done my body and legs, she lets me sit back down and tells me I am a good boy. Snogging ensues so she knows I still love her and know I look fab already and that I am ready for my face to be cut. I try and sit still, but I do like to see what is going on so i move my head around to see everything, even though I know this is not being a good boy. Oops. Auntie Mel tells me to stop being silly so I really do try. She finally finishes my face and I look awesome. We have awesome cuddles and snogs and I know that it's time to go on the floor and play until my humans come back. I say hi to all my friends again and run around with the zoomies as I feel fresh, grab a big drink ruining my face and getting water all over the floor in the process, and have a massive pee on the floor/desk/Auntie Mel's leg before sitting nicely whilst Auntie Mel gives me treats and tells me my face looks poop now. My human comes, pays £38 and re-books for 8 weeks time. They tell me how gorgeous I look now (Well duhh, I look gorgeous all of the time) and I put my collar and lead back on. I am excited to see them, but I don't want to leave and drag my heels until I have one last kiss and cuddle followed by a treat before I reluctantly leave. It has taken 2 hours and all the Aunties look exhausted, wet but happy as Larry.

26 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page